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Pillow Thoughts

Staring at a blinking cursor, wondering what to write,  with so many thoughts in my head all jumbled up in this concoction of mixed feelings. It's freezing outside but this head of mine's getting overheated from the question and answer game life keeps throwing at me.

  "What next?" the elusive question that only God can answer but somehow deep down I know that I have the answer.After 3 years of writing/blogging  my thoughts, my 99th post is simply the 99th thought that's kept me up since 5 a.m. I have stared at my phone since 5 a.m, scrolling through news feeds and all sorts of articles just to  keep my thoughts at bay. I've found out about Google's new logo ( why did they change it?)  and the  effects of  the Chinese stock market crash ( I feel smart just by  writing that down), news that's shaping the world all in the hope of getting a few hours of peace  as I lose myself in what's happening outside of me. After an  hour of serious news, I switch to my quirky Thought Catalog and Elite Daily posts. From articles about millennial lifestyle to entertaining videos, to articles about life in general ( my kind of articles ). The more I read through the words and swipe and scroll, the more I realize how  my chain of thoughts has become a  form of self-torture! Although I hate to admit this, I am an over-thinker, not in the genius sense, but more like the person who can interpret so much with so little...in short I like assumptions without proof.

 "What next?"; the question that's kept me up finally had to be demystified. Everyone makes decisions, and each decision always has a foreseen outcome and for many, that anticipated outcome is the sole reason for making any type of choice. But no one's 100% accurate about what's going to happen next even with the decisions they make or the actions they take. It's simple to say "I do " to a romantic marriage proposal, but what  exactly happens next  after making that choice to stick by someone for a lifetime? It's easy to pack up and leave for a new destination in hope for something better, but...what exactly happens next ? It's easy to leave that office job and follow the entrepreneurship lifestyle trend..,but what next? It's easy to spice up your wardrobe and look, but what happens next when you look at yourself in the mirror?
All I kept asking myself all morning was, "what next?"  yet deep down, this perturbing question if stated correctly, was a way of asking myself "are you ready to make the next move even if it scares you and you have not figured it all out yet?"

  This self-inflicted torture has finally come to an end as I jot down my 99th thought of the morning, which just became another life lesson.So here goes with my 99th thought/theory/life lesson--> " No one has it all figured out, everything is and will always be a probability. If everyone had it all figured out, life would be one boring adventure. Luckily, no one has it all figured out even if it seems like they do. Every story in the news proves how unpredictable everything is, from hurricanes to politics, to changing fashion trends. What happens next should always make us feel excited, even if it scares us, that fear should be the most exciting thing that makes us feel  human enough to take a chance on probabilities. We will never have everything figured out.Luckily, God has it all figured out and there are no probabilities with Him, He knows EVERYTHING that will happen next"

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